Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Pen of Love (My story that I am writing now)

Prologue:

Lorelei gasped for air as she held her throbbing throat in pain. Her friends looked at her as if she only wanted attention, but watched intently. She looked at her beloved bestfriend Zieran with tears in her eyes. Oh how she loved him so much more than that! But alas, he did not feel the same towards her. She was only that of a bestfriend to him. She stretched out her hand towards him, trying to get him to understand she needed help desperately. He was puzzled at the gesture and stared at her confused. She fell to the ground with a thud, and was blue in color. A tear slid down her cheek as it seemed as all life had finally left her alone to lie in the dirt.

Zieran immediately ran to her side as she fell. He knew it was only a matter of seconds before Lorelei left the world to join her grandmother in heaven, and rolled her onto her back and began to shout at the people in an indestinguishable manner. They returned to him, and handed him two unclear objects. He knew Lorelei would need medical attention after this. But would she make it in time?! He didn't hesitate to cast the first object into her delicate throat to get her breathing again. Once the second object was in place and he could see she was somewhat breathing, he lifed her over his shoulder with a great heave. Others began to swarm to help him carry Lorelei to the nurses office; where she could be taken to professional aid.

When the paramedics finally arrived, Zieran immediately insisted and begged that he go with her in the ambulence to watch over her. Back at school, Lorelei's boyfriend Stevran, paced with great unease. Knowing his life and love was in the hospital, was too great a burden to bear on his frail heart. He knew that maybe his love for Lorelei was to great to even have on his mind, and thought intently on what was going to happen when Lorelei returned.

Zieran grew impatient, not knowing the outcome of dear Lorelei. Was she safe and alive? Or worse-case scenario; dead. He saw the nurses wheeling her cart into a patient room and hurried over to her. ^^Is she ok?^^, he asked the nurse. ^^She is stable and breathing, but I am afraid, because of an allergic reaction from swallowing a wasp, she will never wake unless her will can prove strong enough to overcome her conscience that lies in a dead-like slumber itself.^^ ^^So she will never wake up?!^^ ^^Unfortunatley yes, she will remain like this unless somehow you can awaken her conscience. But we even tried the shockers and that didn't wake her. So unless you're superman, there is nothing that can be done.^^ Zieran couldn't help bursting into tears after he heard those final words leave the nurse's mouth. He fell to his knees in the middle of the small room and cried out at the top of his lungs. All of his pain and sorrow echoed along the walls and carried down the numerous hallways where all heard and felt as he felt. Then all grew silent.................

2 comments:

Justin Zirnheld said...

The prologue is great but it needs to have a better backround to it. how did it come to be that she swallowed a wasp? Why is that she loves Zieran but dates Stevran, is she pulled between the two? Finally the silence is a great way to end it and i wouldn't change that. If you are planning on explaining some of this questions further into the story then disregard what I said. (This advice is not professional and therefore can not be taken out of context).

AuthorOfTomorrow216 said...

yeah its really good but justins right you really neeed more backround like start the story right before she swallowed the wasp but other than that dont change a thing it is really good for a prolouge i cant wait for you to start the real story!!!